


What I See

by verucasalt123



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel's True Form (Supernatural), Cuddling & Snuggling, Holding Hands, Holy Fire Glasses (Supernatural), Kissing, M/M, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 03:37:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21385453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verucasalt123/pseuds/verucasalt123
Summary: It turns out that the holy fire glasses don't only work for seeing hellhouds.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 89
Collections: Supernatural complete





	What I See

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Sassy Reverse Bang on tumblr. I'll post the link and a link to the art as soon as I have it.
> 
> And....here's the link: https://sastielbb.tumblr.com/post/188967590727/title-what-i-see-author-verucasalt123-artist
> 
> Y'all check out the artist responsible for this, they are wonderful! https://love-nakamura.tumblr.com/image/188964083077

It was a quiet morning in their new home base. Sam brought the two pairs of holy fire glasses into one of the many, many rooms lined with shelving, books, boxes, and other various items they hadn’t gotten around to exploring yet. Part of Sam couldn’t wait to get his hands on all the treasures that had been left behind in this place; the other part was too preoccupied with other current events to think much about it.

The room wasn’t a mess, not really, but there were several boxes filled with unmarked objects on one of the shelves. What had been tossed into those boxes more than sixty years ago was anyone’s guess.

Sam still had so many questions about this place, and there was no one left to give him any answers. Why wasn’t everything covered in cobwebs and dust? How did the electricity and temperature control continue to function after decades of sitting unused? Most of all, and not that he was complaining, but where the hell was his wifi signal coming from? He assumed that he and Dean were going to have to figure all this out on their own, and maybe that wasn’t a bad thing, after everything that had happened between them this year. The time had come for the two of them to put it all behind them, which was easier said than done. So yeah, something (hopefully) non-deadly to work on together, between tasks required to close the gates of Hell, might be just what they needed. 

Though he knew he’d made the right decision, Sam sometimes thought back on the days he spent fixing pipes and painting walls with a bit of nostalgia. That wasn’t the life he was meant for, and he was one hundred percent sure of that, but it had been a simple life, a peaceful life, in comparison..

Sam didn’t really know what to do with the glasses, and he was way too tired to go through the trouble to catalog and index them at the moment. So, into the box they went, to sit until he felt better and until he had enough time and energy to properly archive them and record them into the database he was going to create. 

Sitting down on the floor, he examined the titles of the books on the shelf closest to where he was, but his vision was still a bit blurry. He’s gotten a decent amount of sleep since they’d returned from Idaho, though it definitely didn’t seem like enough. The fatigue he’d been feeling since he finished the first trial was pretty severe, but he had to believe it would improve. Sam was a little lost in his thoughts when he realized that Castiel was standing in the room, directly beside him. 

Castiel looked...beautiful, Sam thought, because Cas always looked beautiful to him. But objectively, he also seemed to be mostly okay. Better, at least, than he had when they saw him last, bleeding from his eyes and acting _very_ strangely. 

Ever since Castiel’s mysterious return from Purgatory, he and Sam had been very tentatively exploring their feelings for each other. Their more than platonic but not quite _let’s jump into bed together_ feelings. There hadn’t been many conversations, because there just hadn’t been time, as always. The two of them had definitely talked enough to know it was a mutual attraction. There had been a few moments for them to join hands and feel the connection, and one chaste and brief but quite meaningful kiss that left Sam trembling. Castiel had changed a lot since that first awkward meeting all those years ago, and Sam had as well. 

“Hello, Sam. Where is Dean?”

Okay, so maybe there were some things that would never change. Of course that was always going to be Castiel’s first question. He had different reasons for asking it on different days, but he would always want to know. 

“He headed down to Windom first thing this morning. There’s a classic car repair shop there, and the owner found him a couple of parts for the Impala. Some he doesn’t even need right now, but you know as time goes by those things are getting harder and harder to find.”

“I expect they are,'' replied Cas. “Were it possible for me to use my _mojo_ to make that thing run forever, I wouldn’t hesitate to do so,” he finished with a small smile. 

Sam laughed. “If you ever figure it out, save it for his birthday or something, all right?”

Castiel’s face was serious again. Sam was going to stand up, it was weird to be sitting on the floor while Cas towered over him. Before he could, though, Cas joined him sitting down. 

Just then, it occurred to Sam - “How did you get in here?” This place was supposed to be warded against pretty much anything and everything; he figured that included angels. 

“Dean left the key hidden outside, and sent me a text telling me where it was. He didn’t tell me very much. I have heard of the Men of Letters, but I was not aware of this place. It’s beautiful, and I suppose that the information stored here will be very helpful to you and Dean. Not just now, but into the future.”

“I guess it will, for however long that might turn out to be”, Sam said, leaning back a bit against the wall. 

“You are not well”, Castiel replied. “I take it that the first trial has been completed?”

With a sigh, Sam closed his eyes. “Cas, come on. We’ve talked about this.”

“I assure you, I’m not intruding on your thoughts or dreams. I did make you a promise.”

Castiel looked a bit hurt, so Sam reached for his hand and held it in his own. “Of course. I’m sorry. Just - how did you know about any of this?”

“I’m not always welcomed, but I do look in on Kevin when I can. He agreed to fill me in on what was happening in exchange for bringing him a spinach salad and a bag of oranges.”

“Thanks so much for that. We brought him some things the last time we were there but before that, he said he’d basically been living on coffee and hot dogs.”

Cas nodded and replied, “I healed what I could. He was severely dehydrated and deficient in almost every vitamin and nutrient required for even marginally good health. I made sure he would get at least one full night of sleep before he continues his efforts to translate his half of the tablet, though that will certainly not last until he ceases his use of amphetamines. I plan to speak to Dean about that particular issue, though I don’t suppose it will do much good. And before you ask, yes, I will leave you out of it.”

Sam smiled as he felt Castiel’s thumb gently moving back and forth over the back of his hand, a soothing gesture, and definitely one of concern as well. 

“Still, I can tell that you are not doing well. Will you tell me what happened during the trial? How did you manage to kill the hellhound? Even more, how did you manage to get to it before Dean did? If he would have had any choice in the matter, you know he would have taken on these trials himself.”

“Of course he would”, Sam said, sharing a knowing look with Cas. “He tried his best, he was determined to be the one who did them, but the way the fight played out, the way the hound attacked both of us, it just happened to be me who got a chance to kill it. And _bathe in its blood_”, he finished, shuddering a bit at the memory. 

Castiel nodded and moved a bit closer. “I imagine that would be quite unpleasant. I understand the two of you found a way to make the hound visible?”

“Kevin again. I don’t know what we’d do without that kid. He translated something from the tablet about being able to see them through glasses scorched with holy fire. So we found these two old pairs of eyeglasses and it worked. I mean, as much as we needed it to. It still didn’t look totally solid, like an actual dog, but we could see it.”

“The hounds are capable of manipulating things on this plane”, Castiel told him, “but they still don’t actually exist here. It is difficult to explain.”

Sam replied, “It’s all right. I don’t think I really want to know that much more about them unless I have to. I couldn’t see anything at all when they came for Dean all those years ago, except for the damage they did to him.”

The memory of that night was still very clear in Sam’s mind, and it must have shown. Castiel moved over and put his arms around Sam, holding him closely. His touch was such a comfort, and Sam thought for the hundredth time how lucky he was to have Cas in his life, how nice it was to be held like this, to be with someone who seemed to always know what he needed.

“Are those the glasses?”, Castiel asked, motioning toward the box on the shelf. 

Sam grabbed both of them and said, “Yeah, not exactly stylish, but good enough to get the job done.”

Cas leaned back a bit and got a rare mischievous look in his eye. “Put them on? Let me see how you look with glasses?” There was laughter in his voice, and Sam wanted to hold onto that sound forever. 

“Well, they look silly, but I guess so”, Sam told him, wiping off the lenses with the hem of his shirt and sliding the glasses onto his face. 

He had barely turned his head before he realized that something was very, _very_ different. Sam knew he was staring and could even hear Castiel asking in a very concerned tone what was the matter and calling his name. But there was no way he could answer in that moment. Castiel clearly didn’t realize what was happening, and Sam was honestly a bit afraid. 

Taking in what he saw was a process. Castiel’s wings didn’t look anything like what Sam had imagined when he’d thought about it in the past. Dean had described the wings as black, but had also said they looked like a shadow. Dean had also seen _two_ large black wings. Not six. Six was what Sam saw next to him - six wings, none of them black. 

Four were maybe something close to what Sam would have imagined - long feathers that were large, iridescent, and hard to categorize as any specific color. But two of them were...Sam wasn’t sure how to describe them, even to himself. Their colors were eerily changing, and they were covered with eyes. He couldn’t even count how many. Some looked human, some looked animal, some were identifiable only as some kind of eye. 

And then there was the light. It wasn’t the bright white Sam had come to associate with smiting or healing or burning out someone’s eyes. It was more of a glow, something ethereal but somehow still substantial. 

By the time Sam snapped out of it enough to respond, Castiel had abandoned his book on the floor and was gripping Sam’s knee tightly, still trying to get his attention. 

“Cas. I’m sorry, I - it’s just - your wings. I can see them”, Sam said in a whisper. He felt like he was looking at something he wasn’t supposed to see, something personal, intimate. 

Castiel let go of Sam and moved back a bit. “You don’t feel any pain? There’s no discomfort?”, he asked. 

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine. I guess hellhounds aren’t the only things that are made visible by these glasses.” Still, this wasn’t what Sam knew of the true form of angels. He remembered Zachariah’s description back during the apocalypse. He also knew he’d been able to see Castiel’s and Michael’s true forms at Stull after he’d said yes to Lucifer, but he hadn’t retained that memory. And what he was seeing didn’t add up with the very little bit Cas had shared with him about what he was outside of Jimmy Novak. There was that comment about the Chrysler Building a few years ago. A wavelength of celestial...something.

He must have zoned out again on that train of thought, because Cas was waving his hand in front of Sam’s face. “Sam, please tell me what you see. I don’t want to cause you any injury.”

“I mean, it’s you. I still see you, or, your vessel, I guess. I see you the way you always look to me. Just more than that. Wings. Six wings, two of them have, I guess, eyes all over them? And light, like, just a diffuse glowing kind of light. Also...a halo? Yes, a halo, for sure.”

[](https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/verucasalt123/9258096/56334/56334_original.png)

Cas looked a bit affronted at that. “I most certainly _do not_ have a halo. That’s not a real thing, not even in my actual true form.”

“I don’t know, Cas, looks like a halo to me.”

“Well, I suppose if you’re seeing a light glowing around me, it could appear-”

Sam took a deep breath, trying to stop himself from hysterical laughter. This was too much, even for them, this was really super weird. 

“You’re definitely not a thousand feet tall, you’re just - wow, this is unbelievable.”

Again, Cas looked a little hurt. “I apologize, I’m sure it must be disturbing to see this. Please, just take off the glasses.”

Sam didn’t want to complain, but he also wasn’t sure when or if he’d ever have this opportunity again. “Cas, just a few minutes, please. If it’s too personal of course I’ll take them off and never do this again. It’s just - you’re amazing. It’s all so beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

Castiel was quiet for a moment, then gave Sam his trademark head-tilt and squint. “I assumed that seeing this - it seems to be just a very small representation of some of my angel form - would make you uncomfortable. It’s not at all human.”

“I’m not uncomfortable. I’m not - I mean, I was afraid a little bit for a minute but now, it’s...I don’t know how to explain it. You still look like you, so it’s like you plus some other things. And it’s - you - you’re stunning.”

After a few more seconds, it occurred to Sam that maybe he was crossing some kind of line here. He’d completely ignored Castiel when he’d asked him to take the glasses off. “Do you want me to stop looking, really? I’m sorry, you said you thought it might make me uncomfortable but I didn’t even consider whether or not you wouldn’t be comfortable with me seeing all this.”

Cas gave him a smile. “No, it’s all right. I’m glad that you like the way it looks. That you like the way I look.”

“I think you’re beautiful, Castiel, even without all of this. I hope you know that. And it’s not just because of the way you look. We’ve been through so much together. I think we both know how we feel about each other.”

“You’re right. You are one of my Father’s most beautiful creations, but my feelings for you are based on so much more than mere physical attraction.”

Castiel reached back over and held Sam’s hand in both of his, pulling it up to his mouth and kissing him very softly. Sam’s eyes closed automatically, then opened again to take in the incredible sight of Castiel’s wings and the light surrounding him. 

A thought occurred to Sam then. “Do you think I can touch them? Your wings? Would that be okay?”

“You can try”, Cas said. “I can’t tell if they’re truly manifested on this plane.”

Sam reached out toward the wings on Castiels’ left side, but his hand went right through them as if they weren’t even there. Like an illusion or something. 

The disappointment on his face must have been clear, because Cas said, “I’m sorry, Sam. I couldn’t feel anything either. My wings aren’t meant to be real here in the earthly realm. Honestly, it’s probably safer that way. Either of us could end up getting hurt if there was any interaction.”

“It’s all right”, Sam said. “That actually makes a lot of sense. And I wouldn’t risk hurting you.”

Taking off the glasses and placing them back in their box, Sam decided to push his luck and ask for something else. “It’s just us here, you know. Nothing going on, and Dean won’t be back until late tonight. Do you want to go to my bedroom with me?”

Castiel looked a bit surprised, and his cheeks turned pink as he tried to respond. Sam realized he’d said the wrong thing. 

“Cas, no, not like - I don’t mean that. Just, maybe we can lay down together and be close, and definitely keep all of our clothes on." 

Relief washed over Castiel’s expression. “Of course, yes, I’d like that very much.”

Sam’s room was still pretty bare - not much to look at, but that was all right. Sam managed to talk Castiel out of his trench coat and his suit jacket and shoes before they climbed into bed together. It felt so perfect, lying here like this, Sam on his back and Cas on his side, his head on Sam’s chest and Sam’s arm around him. They did kiss a bit, but kept it tame. As much as Sam loved being intimate like this with Cas, neither of them were ready to take the next step. 

That was just fine with both of them, though. Sam started drifting off to sleep, knowing Castiel wouldn’t leave his side. He smiled as he thought of Dean coming back to find them in bed like this before sleep took over and left him safe with his angel.

**Author's Note:**

> I had to be a little hand-wavy with the timeline to make this happen at the point during the show I wanted it to happen. so. Please forgive the liberties I took with the events of S8.


End file.
